these unedited events

things will never be the same.

we pretend and act a part to fit into a "used to be."

but once you endure a major event; good or evil, 

things can't just go back to the past.

we are never just the same

collectively we experience and those mold us .

they shape our  character and beliefs.

we will never be the same person you knew.

for better or for worse.

my happy is being threatened

"I promise Des; but if the fighting continues I'm ending us."

I'm sorry for never being good enough.  I constantly hurt you and build up walls.  I get scared around you, you can do the most damage to my broken heart.  So I try to protect myself.  I try to prevent your words and actions from hurting me by making myself stone cold.  And you deserve better, you deserve to feel loved and safe constantly.  The tears falling from your beautiful eyes shouldn't be from my harsh actions.  You are the universe; you have so much beauty and talent, I'm sorry you ended up with me by your side.

You are the source of my smile; but I'm the source of your tears.  I'm sorry

entry

"I fall for you; blindly and carelessly.  I convinced myself you would never hurt me on purpose, that i could pull you from the dark and love your soul enough for the light to shine through again.  I was wrong.  I think with my heart and not my brain; I am led to stupid conclusions that wind to me getting hurt."